This is very strange

I've really procrastinated with this one. i've debated is this a good idea, bad idea, it won't matter because no one actually reads my blog........

so this is really for me. if you're there, reading this, you're welcome along for the ride. but i am doing this one for me.

i have cancer. lung cancer, to be precise.

and in 5 days, i'm going to go have surgery, and they're going to remove a lobe of my lung, in the hopes that they will remove all the cancer.

i don't know if i'll be having chemotherapy or not. at this moment, if it is offered, i'm inclined to go through it - if there's even 1 cancer cell that is there, and isn't dead, i could go through this again and again.

and i'm scared.

it's all pretty surreal.... i actually feel as fine as i ever do....... i look the same, feel the same, gained some weight that does not make me happy......

and then they tell me i have cancer.

it's all so weird.

so if anyone is reading this? quit smoking. quit today. i quit 20 days ago, 2 days after they diagnosed me.

oh, and one more thing?

just breathe