Day 18

18 days since i started the new regimen. Taxol and carboplatin. weekly. fridays are spent in the chemo cafe.... though honestly, considering where i am and what i'm doing, it's a pretty decent place. they're very nice, they explain what's going on (if you want), you can even order 'room service' if you're hungry.

from the beginning, i was told that i am going to lose my hair - taxol does that. now........ most men grow up, assuming they'll have some male pattern baldness.... women? not so much.

so every morning, i wake up, and check my head. hair is still attached. but there's that sense of impending doom... you know it's coming, you know you can't avoid it.... so you wait.

i'm also officially on short term disability now. i don't think people realize just how hard it is to try to work full time, slap that smile on your face, try to work up that positive attitude.... when you have cancer. seriously.

so i'm taking a much needed time out, so that i can be scared... or tired... or just not feeling well........ and i don't have to put on a good face for the world all the time, which is an exhausting thing to have to do.

day 18. i still have hair. i think dinner will be cooked in the crock pot - then it does it for me.