Trying it again

Yesterday, I tried to do a blog post, and somehow, it all got highlighted, and disappeared.

I didn't have the patience to try it again.... so we'll try it now.

I've pretty much kept a low profile about the recurrence... i don't want to play chicken little, and truthfully, i'm scared. but i have 2 options - fight it with everything i (and the doctors) have, or sit in a corner and wait.

i was never good at sitting and waiting.... so here we go!

regimen is taxol and carboplatin. taxol is going to make me lose my hair. they told me this, the research says this. so the day i was told, i went and cut off 6" of my hair... it was all white from the prior chemo anyway....

now i wait for it to start falling out. they tell me 2-3 weeks, i've been told 17 days, i've been told 22 days. today is day 5. every morning, i run my fingers through my hair, and mentally assess how much has come out - 2, 3, that's pretty normal. the day that i wake up, get out of bed, and my hair doesn't come with me? that's the day i'll get my head shaved.

i'm as ready as i can be, i suppose......... but really? i'm not ready.

first week of chemo was fairly non-eventful.... ok, i feel a bit crappier than usual, but i can still get up, go to work, work all day, come home, and do my thing. this is good.

and the supplements!! survivors told me l-glutamine for the neuropoathy - so i checked with the onc. i now take 30g of l-glutamine a day, in 2 doses, each one in 32 ounces of water... that also satisfied the 2 quarts of water a day i need to drink, to flush the chemo past the kidneys and out of my body as quickly as possible... cuts down on kidney damage and side effects.

also means i slosh when i walk, and i have to know where every bathroom is at all times. great.... just like when my kids were little.

also - prenatal vitamins. generally healthy, keeps the iron levels up.

vitamin d - my friend ron, in florida, also a survivor.... even though i was pretty prickly when he first started emailing me... he put up with it, and i consider him a friend. he talked to HIS doctors about me, and they all agree - vit. D, 1000 mg per day.. helps the immune system.

vit. b-12 - energy. check.

probiotics - keeps the stomach working better - check

magnesium - not in my regular vitamins - check

i think that's it. 5 supplements, plus the gallons of glutamine'd water.

and then i'm supposed to eat? seriously? after drinking all that water all day, would YOU be hungry?

some of my friends at work.... people i don't know that i would have expected.... one day, there was a tote bag with some henley shirts (easier at chemo to get to the port) and a journal......

one day, there was a bottle of bath salts, so i can soak, and pretend all is ok in my work.....

the other day, a giant smiley mug, filled with lemon tea........

in the mail, a knitted gnome to take to chemo with me, made with love.... other people on ravelry, reaching out, they've been reading my journey, and they want my address...... it feels so weird to have people who really don't even know me - i could pass them in the street, and they wouldn't know it was me.... all reaching out to me.

i don't feel quite so small, and so alone.

my friend lois, who takes me to chemo every time... even when my kids can go, so if they go out to get me food or have to go do work, i still won't be alone...... there's a place in heaven for lois.

so that's the state of things. diagnosed on 6/22. port implanted on 6/26. chemo started on 8/2.

we'll see how it goes.. so far, it isn't too bad. let's hope it stays that way!

thank you, to anyone who reads this.... there's something comforting about knowing i'm not alone.