Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Did You Know....

there there is actually a Lung Cancer Awareness month?

it's in November.

I didn't know that, either.

and apparently, the governor made it official in my state 2 years ago.

Please take the time to make this official in your state as well?

while I appreciate the efforts of the Susan G Komen foundation, and everything they do to raise Breast Cancer awareness....... Lung Cancer needs a cure, too.

thank you.

2 days and counting

ok, we're on the final run-down, i guess - i'm so ready to have this over with.

work - all transitioned. what a lovely bunch of people. i've only been there 8 months... yesterday, i told my manager that if it was ok with her, i thought i'd work from home today (instead of in the office) - i was already working from home tomorrow... and she agreed. honestly, it's getting a little tough to be all cheerful and sunny, as though this is no big deal.....

next thing i know, she's inviting me out to lunch (and i thought i was in trouble for something and thought her timing really sucked) - then i hear other people talking about lunch........

turns out, i screwed up everyone's plans. they had planned on all taking me out to lunch today - and i messed it up by working from home. so they (in less than an hour) got the ENTIRE DIGITAL DEPARTMENT out for lunch at this restaurant......

i wanted to cry, when i realized it was for me. seriously? my last job, they would have blamed me for getting cancer, and then fired me as soon as they could without getting sued.

so i have all the legal papers ready. done. all that's left is getting the bill from the lawyer, and paying it. yeah....... another bill.

pretty much everything here is as much as i can do - mostly cleaned and straightened up... the last knitting project that i need to send out is done and blocking, i'll run that to the post office tomorrow....

got the special shower scrub stuff, need to do that tomorrow night and thursday morning.....

still have to get typed and cross-matched, i can do that today or tomorrow - and they give me my lovely hospital bracelet... probably do that today and get that over with

tomorrow pick up stepmom at the airport...... i have no idea how to thank her for what she's doing - i mean, she isn't my mom, i'm not her kid...... except she is, and i am. and without hesitation, she agreed to come here and deal with the fall out from this mess that, with certainty, i caused by being a smoker.

i have no idea how you thank someone for coming to take charge in crisis like this. she didn't need this, she didn't deserve to have this handed to her.... and she volunteered for it. amazing.

and thursday is it. plug in the IV, put me to sleep, wake me up when it's over, folks. seriously - let's get this over with - the waiting is the worst part.... it's like when you get told "go to your room and wait till your father gets home" - so you sit there, dreading it, and making it even worse in your head.......

ah well..... 2 more days. by this time on thursday, i'll be getting ready to leave for the hospital, to put it all into their hands, and be done.

wish me luck!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

This is very strange

I've really procrastinated with this one. i've debated is this a good idea, bad idea, it won't matter because no one actually reads my blog........

so this is really for me. if you're there, reading this, you're welcome along for the ride. but i am doing this one for me.

i have cancer. lung cancer, to be precise.

and in 5 days, i'm going to go have surgery, and they're going to remove a lobe of my lung, in the hopes that they will remove all the cancer.

i don't know if i'll be having chemotherapy or not. at this moment, if it is offered, i'm inclined to go through it - if there's even 1 cancer cell that is there, and isn't dead, i could go through this again and again.

and i'm scared.

it's all pretty surreal.... i actually feel as fine as i ever do....... i look the same, feel the same, gained some weight that does not make me happy......

and then they tell me i have cancer.

it's all so weird.

so if anyone is reading this? quit smoking. quit today. i quit 20 days ago, 2 days after they diagnosed me.

oh, and one more thing?

just breathe